Side Show Brings Out Strange, Uncanny

The SpinDizzy Fair Side Show was held Saturday, September 4, on the main stage of Edgeworld Park.  The spectacle was the idea of local bear Cora, although she did not attend.  Fair Organizer BunnyHugger, devilbunny, served as the announcer, waving around a bunny-sized cane as she enthusiastically described each of the strange talents on display.

BunnyHugger began the show by announcing, “We have here tonight on this supremely magnificent stage, some of the most famous, most fearsome, and most fantastical creatures ever seen.  Their performances have been commanded by the crown heads of Europe, and the rulers of several barbarian planets!  Tonight, for one night only, they will educate and astound you on the Edgeworld Park stage!”

The first exhibit was dual squirrel Cadge-Tuesday, described by BunnyHugger as “Siamese twins with a twist.”  Cadge demonstrated his dual nature by having Tuesday, the ghostly squirrel that shares his body, manifest herself as a black cloud surrounding him.  Morticon, wallaby audience member, was visibly surprised, and said, “What is that?!”  BunnyHugger described them as “a squirrel that harbors another inside, two souls made one, inhabiting flesh and bone together,  joined in more than wedlock.”

The next act was Beltrami, balloon dragoness, heralded by BunnyHugger as “the lightest feet to ever tread this stage of wonders.”  “This supremely magnificent example of female luminosity will now show us the amazing facts of balloon life,” BunnyHugger said.  “You may wish to hide the eyes of your children.”  Beltrami proceeded to open her ankle valves and deflate herself until she was completely flat and rolled up.  Then she re-inflated herself, to BunnyHugger’s cry of “Like a latex Lazarus, the lovely lady leaps to life!”

BunnyHugger prefaced the third act by saying, “Some say foxes are a dime a dozen.  I say, only a fool pays retail!  But, this fox is something different!  A fox of mystery, a fox of magic, a fox of mythic abilities!”  Zenkuro, fox, then took the stage.  First she stabbed herself in the midsection with a sword, pushing it in until it disappeared, while seemingly in some pain.  Then she spit three knives in the air and then caught and juggled them.  She then threw the knives high into the air, and as they fell threw down three ring-shaped molds.  She breathed a cloud of flame at the falling knives and they landed in the molds in the form of molten metal.  After they cooled off, she tossed them into the crowd.

Zenkuro’s second trick started with her getting out a bucket of sand, and then melting it into glass with her touch.  She worked the molten glass with her bare hands, making it into a detailed sculpture of the audience, which she presented to BunnyHugger.

The next act announced was “a marsupial of maximum menace, the mysterious Morticon.”  Aina, tiger, accompanied Morticon to the stage.  He handed her a salt shaker, and she rather reluctantly shook salt onto his tail, which then fell off, still wriggling.  Aina then shook the salt off it and reattached it.  Morticon proceeded to do a second trick, pouring cold salt water into his pouch, and using the ionized solution to light up a string of Christmas lights.  “For those of you unaware,” BunnyHugger said, “a grand tradition here on SpinDizzy is to decorate Morticon for Christmas.  But how about some Christmas in September, brought to you by the Wallaby of Wonder?”

The next act was Austin, coati, described by BunnyHugger as “the Protean procyonid.”  He prefaced his act by saying, “I think everyone has seen me try out feats of elasticity largely involving being as close to BunnyHugger as it’s possible to be.  But I think little appreciated is the chance to do impersonations.”  He then rubbed his hind legs until the mass was pushed from his upper legs to his lower, and did the same again with his forelegs.  He pinched his nose and rolled it down into his mouth until it made his chin swell up, and finished off by squinting one eye closed.  He then sang “Popeye the Sailor Man.”

The next act was Jaxen, fox, introduced by BunnyHugger as “Madame and Mister Mayor, Jax E. Neurocyon, better known to the side show circuit as Jaxen Genderella!”  Jaxen took the stage as BunnyHugger admonished the audience to remain silent as the procedure was dangerous and delicate.  He took out a potion that he said contained “the essence of the feminine” and drank it.  As BunnyHugger faded a spotlight from blue through purple to pink, he transformed from male to female, leading BunnyHugger to declare that “never has there been a finer example of female pulchritude and luminosity on the stage of Edgeworld Park.”

Next up was Garrison, skunk, introduced as “your average, everyday skunk morph… and if you believe that, I have a bridge in Neopolis to sell you!  The Great Garrison will present for us magic learned from the great swamis of the Orient, through years of grueling study and initiation into mystery rites.”  Garrison asked for a volunteer from the audience, and Beltrami and Gilead raised their paws.  Garrison reached down into his own pouch, and then a shadow was cast over the audience as a huge paw descended from the sky, picking up Beltrami and Gilead.  The paw then disappeared back into the clouds, and Garrison pulled his paw out of his pouch, showing a tiny Beltrami and Gilead to the crowd.  He returned them to his pouch, and the giant paw reappeared, setting down a normal-sized Beltrami and Gilead before vanishing again as Garrison withdrew his paw from his pouch.

The last event of the evening was J.P., winged squirrel, presenting a daredevil act with assistance from Austin.  Austin held onto a framework with handles, making himself into the elastic band of a slingshot.  J.P. asked for a volunteer from the audience to ride with him, and Beltrami climbed on.  Then Austin contracted his body, flinging J.P. into the air.  J.P. then spread his wings and flew around over the stage and audience, carrying Beltrami.  Eventually he came in for a landing amidst dramatic music and flashing lights, letting Beltrami off safely.

J.P.’s landing concluded the evening’s entertainment.  BunnyHugger said, “What an exciting night this has been, ladies and gentlemen, full of magic, mystery, and narrowly averted mayhem.  I daresay SpinDizzy has not seen the like of this before, with so many of the finest acts in the galaxy assembled on one stage for your amusement and edification.”

She called up the acts to take a bow, announcing them one by one: “Cadge and Tuesday, the Siamese Squirrel Souls; the Buoyant Beltrami, resurrection artist; Morticon, the Wonder Wallaby with the potent pouch and trick tail; Zenkuro, the reverse sword swallower; Doctor Austin Dern, impressionist extraordinaire; Jax E. Neurocyon, gender bender; Garrison the Great, the magnificent magician; and J.P., the daredevil!”  She then took a bow herself as she said, “and your proud presenter, Professor BunnyHugger.”

The SpinDizzy Fair continues through September 12, with several events yet to go.