on April 5, 2012 by Samnang in Letters, Comments (0)

Letter: Bad Blood and Actions Defined

Differences between us affect those around us by drawing lines where no lines should be. These lines once drawn tend to close off what might be a valuable spring of knowledge of something at a later time if mishandled. I know this because I’ve done it before and regretted it dearly.

The time was long ago – OK, not so long ago that I can’t recall, but it was long enough ago that I shouldn’t think about it now. I digress though. The time has passed and thinking about it now I realize one thing of the entire event sequence and the factors involved:  Immaturity, Frustration, Embarrassment, Insulting, and Inexperience.

The time of the event was early in the day on mIRC – yeah, I admit to using it.  I’m not sure anymore of the specific day, but it nearly put me off any on-line interactions from then on.

The basic breakdown of what happened: A roleplay went sour and the other involved party commented that the action was “rape,” in a way. I reacted poorly, very poorly. Instead of finding more information about the situation, I told the other person involved that I was insulted at the accusation and then kicked them from the private channel I had. They contacted me by private message wanting to find out what happened but I allowed my immaturity and inexperience  to guide my actions as much as the shamed/hurt/insulted emotions towards the situation.

Instead of confronting the issue I ignored it. Then I pretended it never happened. I even saw the same person again some weeks later and they tried in vain to speak with me; I refused to hear them out.

I allowed it to fester within me and integrate itself into all my actions. Hence why I’m hesitant about personal actions that I initiate. This is also why I go only as far as the other person leads.

I say all of this because I’ve noticed this happening again with myself and with others as well. I cannot speak for others, but I can for myself now. No matter what resolution or personal grudge I may have, I will not ignore someone totally to the point of refusing to acknowledge their existence. I know you are there and have something valuable to say and I will listen, even if it seems like I do not.

This I would like for everyone to try once or twice. Do not mind the small things and do not let it show that you’re bothered. Laugh or go quiet, then move along to another subject and dismiss what offends as nothing more than the drivel it is.

Most of all: Remember that experience teaches many things and you are defined by your actions/reactions.

Thank you all.

Post Script: No, I’m not leaving SD; not until I’m chased away by an angry crowd wielding pitchforks, torches and rolled up newspapers.

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